YOU CAN'T SAY THEM IN A PAPER EITHER... REST IN PEACE, GEORGE

ONE of the world's most outrageous, funny and well-respected stand-up comics died last Sunday. You may not be familiar with the name George Carlin, but he was a huge star in the US for many years and, thanks to the wonders of the internet, he garnered millions of fans around the planet in his later years.

Carlin started his comedy career in the early 1960s and followed the then-typical route of recreational drugs and hard living. He was the first comedian to host Saturday Night Live in the US. He worked all the small, back-street, underground comedy gigs and slowly climbed the ladder through radio, print, small-screen and ultimately even blockbuster Hollywood movies, including Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure.

Carlin broke the mould in comedy. He said the un-sayable, he uttered words live onstage that got him into heaps of trouble and he was just incredibly funny. He told the truth and people listened, then laughed.

When WBAI-FM radio station in New York played the Filthy Words track about the seven words you can't say on TV from Carlin's album Occupation: Foole, the station ended up in court. The case went to the Supreme Court and Carlin was warned he could be banned from radio, as his language was dangerous to children. Yet he never stopped crossing the line.

As a stand-up, Carlin was a huge influence on me and a comedy hero to generations of UK comedians. He could tell a story that made you think and made you snort with laughter at the same time. My favourite routine was about devout Christians, whom he berated for hating homosexuals: "Why do these people hate gays? They make a great team: gays aren't going to raise the abortion rate – Christians and gays complement each other."

He tackled subjects that challenged authority and did it with such aplomb that HBO screened heaps of his TV specials; he has a Hollywood Walk of Fame Star and collected loads of Emmy nominations. He also acted alongside Doris Day, Barbra Streisand and Keanu Reeves, to name but a few.

Carlin was unique in his approach to comedy. His quirky way with words and his amazing skill at making the most offensive and contentious subject matter so funny was true comedy genius.

But the real reason I loved Carlin is that he proved, no matter how old you are, no matter how controversial you may seem – and despite all attempts to shut him up – the value in just keeping on at doing your own thing. He was gigging the week before a heart attack claimed him.

What's amazing to me is the influence he had on so many ordinary people. George wasn't a member of the clergy, he wasn't a politician and he wasn't a philosopher. He was just a really funny stand-up and he will be missed sorely.

SORRY ABOUT THAT, JAY-Z, MAYBE YOU'LL SEE ME NEXT YEAR

I HAD to cancel my comedy performance at Glastonbury this year. I had a minor medical issue that needed attending to and that put paid to my mud-bath weekend.

I was so looking forward to sitting in a damp tent in the pouring rain, listening to music I don't understand. I won't miss doing comedy to hippies playing bongo music. Why the hell do people bring instruments to a musical festival? Though I have to admit, the atmosphere at Glastonbury is just wonderful and unique.

My daughter Ashley was gutted. She adores the Glastonbury Festival, whereas I cried last year because it rained for five days solid. She had a butterfly painted on her face, a swirly circus twirler hanging off her wrist and a bright pair of wellies. I had trench foot and a wet bum.

There comes a time when you have to admit you're too old to suffer pain for rock music.

HUGH'S PLAN TO HAVE PORRIDGE EVERY DAY

I HAVE a mate called Hugh; he's nearly 90 and still fit and perky. His sense of humour is wicked, though he worries about getting older and told me that, before he gets too infirm, he is going to rob a bank. "Two things can happen, Janey. I will either make heaps of cash or get jailed for a long time. In prison, the care system is good for old folk and the accommodation is free. I won't have to shell out cash for someone making my meals and I will probably get more visitors."

As I said, he has an interesting sense of humour.