SPEAKING OUT IS ONLY WAY TO DEAL WITH ABUSE

"I AM no longer ashamed and will continue to speak out about abuse," I heard in a clear, strong Scottish accent on the BBC World Service last week in the wee small hours of the morning.

I was struck by the young woman's conviction and strength of character. Despite suffering terribly at the hands of her own family and other paedophiles, she is starting a help group for other survivors of sexual abuse.

She plans to set up a 24-hour support service in west Edinburgh and hopes her support service will encourage victims to come forward and get help.

This woman is Dana Fowley. She has quite rightly waived her right to anonymity and spoken out about the paedophile ring.

She had been raped from a very young age and I was so touched and proud to hear her talk about such difficult subject matter so honestly.

Dana's mother was jailed for 12 years for her part in the abuse and various men have since been charged and sentenced because of Dana's determination to speak out.

"Speaking out" is the key phrase. I know this from experience, as I was raped and abused by my uncle, David Percy, from a very young age and kept the secret for many years. One reason men and women who have been abused stay quiet is the shame they feel when people look at them and know they were sexualised from a very young age.

Strangers will know you had sex - full penetrative sex - as a child and one way or another that makes you feel like you somehow "allowed" it or "enjoyed" it despite it being non-consensual sex.

And your worst fears can come true. Back in 1993, when I finally revealed my abuse to friends and family, a male customer in the pub which I ran actually said to me: "I can't believe you told everyone you used to shag your uncle."

I was shocked and almost speechless that he said this to me - and in front of a full bar of people. I merely turned to him and replied: "I was five at the time; it's not as if I wanted to do it. It's called rape if you don't consent."

That stuck with me and nearly made me crawl into a hole with horror. I almost didn't have the strength to take my uncle to court due to the skin-crawling shame his words made me feel. But I did and he was found guilty in 1996 and sentenced to three years in prison.

Sex abuse also affects the people you live with and that ripple effect can be severely underestimated. I am still plagued with nightmares and occasional feelings of desperate sadness and it can dictate how your day will pan out in relation to your psychological state.

My daughter and husband were horrified when the details came to light about what happened to me back in the 1960s and they often have to consider certain issues that relate to my past.

I cannot for the life of me listen to any Beatles or Rolling Stones music as that was usually being played in the background in my home when I was being abused. My daughter Ashley, who is a big music fan, recently tuned into BBC TV's Abbey Road special where contemporary musicians recorded the Sergeant Pepper songs. Beatles music blared throughout the house. She quickly realised what she had done and clicked the remote and apologised to me in tears.

I assured her it was fine and I sat there and made a big effort to sing along and not let it bother me. I did not want to inhibit my daughter's right to listen to music she loves because my uncle liked having sex with kids.

We later talked about why such strong associated memories can make someone feel low. Talking about the abuse and understanding what makes you feel down is a great help.

Dana Fowley spoke out loud and clear and is a great inspiration to others who face the ordeal of going to the police to report this heinous, life-shattering crime.

Her mother stood by and watched as paedophiles gang-raped her and that shocks many people as child abuse is normally seen as male crime against females. It really disturbs people to know that a woman is involved and it somehow feels worse.

But this really detracts from what the issue is. Child abuse is about power and control; it's not totally focused on sex and as soon as people get a grip on that the more they can sympathise and help survivors of abuse.

I applaud Dana Fowley in her efforts to expose the paedophile ring that tried to destroy her. Clearly they underestimated the sheer strength and sense of right that existed in the wee girl they all thought they could control.

MARRY GUN-LOVING RACOON MAN? NO THANKS

LOVE is in the air. I write an online blog - www.janeygodley.co.uk/blog - that has been going for more than three years and now gets more than half a million hits a week, so it's bound to attract a few nutters.

Last week I got four marriage proposals. One in particular made me want to change my identity.

It came from a man in Wisconsin. It read: "My name is Lorcan, I have five dogs and 14 racoons and they all live in harmony.

"I have so much love in my heart for guns and girls and I believe in God. If you ever feel the need for a man who can sing and likes stroking wild animals then write me back. I have a great knife and once made a coffin from scratch. I love you Janey, let's be as one."

I am scared.

RELIGION AND TERROR BEGGAR BELIEF

SATURDAY saw the first Scottish Muslims' Rally Against Terrorism.

This was a week after the first terror attacks in Glasgow and on the poignant second anniversary of the London terror attacks on 7/7.

Organisers said: "The eyes of the world will be on a Scotland sending out the message that all our communities are united against terrorism."

On that same day in Glasgow, the Orange Walk took to the streets in the annual County Grand Orange Parade.

Thousands of Protestants marched to the beat of their own drum and no doubt upset a few religious factions on the way.

Then again, everyone should be allowed to celebrate and debate their own religion freely, as long as you're not a famous lawyer and get caught singing along to some of the less favourable songs on a video camera.

I was raised with awareness of sectarianism and my daughter is being raised with awareness to terrorism. It's enough to make you an atheist.

BAN ON LAUGHTER JUST NOT FUNNY

I WAS in Newcastle last week for a comedy gig and went for dinner in a local bar before the show.

In the corner, a wee man started laughing loudly with his mates. His friends joined in with raucous, back-slapping laughter. It became infectious and I started laughing too. At the bar, a few business men shook their heads in disgust at the loud crowd who seemed to have found their common funny bone.

The barmaid stomped over and told the blokes to keep the noise down or the wee man would get barred.

"I am only laughing," he pleaded.

"Yes, but it's disturbing the other customers," the grumpy barmaid snapped.

This made me laugh louder and the wee man with the loud laugh turned to me and said: "We can't smoke in pubs and now we can't laugh. Maybe they will make a special laughing area outside."

I sat worried sick. If pubs are set to ban laughter then maybe I need to change jobs.